The blog

Why is it so hard to love something we’re having problems with?

I have noticed a trend. Once I start having issues with something, like I get stuck on a piece of writing, or I get a bad grade in a class, I tend to start hating it. This is true in relationships too. So why does this happen?

I am, personally, a very passionate person. If I feel an emotion, I FEEL that emotion big time. So, when I get stuck with something, I get frustrated and start looking at what could have possibly gone wrong. Then, of course, when I look at what went wrong, I’m looking at problems, it’s part of being a perfectionist. Once you start to notice all the problems with something, you get overwhelmed and stop trying.

I dunno why I do this, but that, in itself, is frustrating. So then I start wondering why I have such issues with getting stuff done right and then I get mad at myself and the whole thing blows up in my face. So what is going wrong?

I had to ask myself this question as I looked over a story that I have been working on for some time. At one point I was thrilled with it, until it was ripped to shreds by my aunt and sister, and then all I could see was the problems. I kept trying without resolving this problem and wrote myself into a corner. School started right around then so I had an excuse to quit for a while.  But then yesterday I was looking at it, and I wondered why I hated it so much.

I realized that it wasn’t because any of the characters. They were actually quite a diverse crowd to write, very fond of emotions and such interesting things. No, no, I actually liked the characters very much in my own mind. So the story then? It needed a couple little changes, but that was all, nothing major. Style? Hmm, yes. I hated the style but that wasn’t a good reason to give up! In the end I discovered I just thought it was worthless.

But it was worth it. It is worth it. I just have to re-adjust where I think worth lies.

See, in the end, that’s what dedication comes down to. It comes down to an appreciation, an assignment of worth, of value, to whatever it is you struggle with. You have to know how much it is worth to you. If you don’t figure that out, you’re never going to follow through. Whether it is a relationship, school, work, or, in my case, a piece of literature, you must think about how much it means to you. How much do you want it. And, if you feel you don’t want it enough, you maybe should try making a craving for that goal.

I want to write on that piece now. I actually want to skip my homework and do that instead. See, I realized there is so much beauty yet to be weaved in the story-telling and I want a part of that desperately! I love my characters so much that I want to continue to sculpt them and build them and create, essentially, their lives. I long for it truly. And all I had to do was build within myself that desire. I had to remember why I started and to what end I was shooting for. And it is hard. I’ll admit I’ve been fighting for this desire for a good few months already, and I know I will have to battle again. But in the end, it is well worth the effort.

This post much more involves my personal life than my life at my school for a school blog, I know. But I thought someone might get something out of this and I will, hopefully, have a few more good months to write about here at IWCC anyway. But best of luck to you all

 Sarah

P.S. My boss, Lindsey Koch, was extremely gracious to me today. I mixed up my schedule and missed a blogger meeting and she was very nice and just said thanks for telling her and to please make it to the next one. So thank you

 Fantastic comic strip. Bill Watterson was a genius with it. I found this at

http://img514.imageshack.us/img514/6796/calvinonscientificlawin6.gif 

and, as always, beware when surfing outside sights, I can’t necessarily control their content…

(I broke it up into two images so it would fit…)

At least, spring was in the air before that dang snow. Now it’s freezing again! I blame Iowa Western. Why? Because I can. Everyone else seems to blame Iowa Western for stuff, why not me?

Lol, anyway, I couldn’t be much bored-er since we didn’t have school today, but it gave me a chance to sleep in, get some homework done and, of course, write a blog. Although, I do rather miss my two Thursday classes, Microbiology and Weight Training. I’m telling ya, the guys in my weight class are really fantastic. I’m the only girl in my class (the other one dropped or something) and am anything except a work-out junkie. I haven’t ever really used workout stuff before! EVER!!! But the other day a friend of mine was showing me some pointers on how to use stuff, and the other guys were talking an joking with me and it was really fun. They are really nice to me. So yeah, just thought I’d mention it.

Now, pardon my french here, but I wanted to grump a little bit about something I call Half-as-sing-it syndrome. H-AI for short. Unfortunately, I have fallen victim to this horrible disease. I didn’t necessarily do it on purpose, and thank heavens I didn’t do it because I was slacking off (completely…), but I have officially felt the sting of H-AI. I didn’t much like it.

Now, it’s not that I got bad grades because of it, well, not horrible grades at least, but it’s more a feeling, deep down, that I have done something morally wrong. like stealing a tootsie roll out of a bin, or walking off with your friend’s soda, then trying to say you forgot you had it when they come after you.

For starters I turned in an outline for a very important paper in Micro. Now, I did work on it, and I worked hard. Hours of labor went into making that outline. But, by the end of it, my case of H-AI was setting in and I just kinda jotted some stuff down and didn’t really work on that half…. which my teacher pointed out. The wonderful soul though, Miss Sharon Eden is, she still has faith I’ll do it right and, my gosh, I will.  She still only gave me 80% though

Well, I had another outline that was actually due the Friday before for another of Miss Eden’s classes, but, since we were a week behind, I begged, on behalf of the entire classs, to push this due date back a week (H-AI speaking…). And she did. Funny thing, no one else had finished it, so the whole class had H-AI!!! How horrible!

Well, then I didn’t completely finish an art project, which my teacher gave back for finishing when I turned it in ‘finished’ and I also H-Aed a speech in Public Speaking because I ran out of time because of my art project, so I was feeling horrible about myself. I couldn’t believe the symptoms of H-AI that were showing up!

I suppose this is getting rather long so I’ll finish up. I realized, that, yes, I had come down with a bad case of H-AI. But, at least I recognized it. There are too many people who don’t realize that they are H-AI all the time! Not to say that I’m great or anything, but I do give myself points for striving at least. And I suppose sometimes H-AI is necessary. The world doesn’t stop if someone you know dies, or you get really sick, or just any of those crazy things life throws at you happens. You, however, do stop for a bit. So being able to H-A a few assignments here and there is necessary. However, you have to get out of that pattern again which I don’t see a ton of people doing!

So here’s the scoop guys, if I can beat my H-AI disease, so can you! You deserve it, your grades deserve it, and the poor teachers who try so hard deserve it. Just try it for a bit, actually caring about what you’re doing and I think you’ll like the differences it’ll make. Anyway, have a great day and enjoy whatever weather we get chucked at us next. Farewell!

Sarah

P.S. according to the wonderful calendar provided to me by Brownielocks and the Three Bears (aways use caution browsing outside sites) at http://www.brownielocks.com/b3bcalendar.html today is chocolate mint day! So here is a wonderful Chocolate Mint Torte. Mm……

Or just a divine picture of one

http://www.sweetdietdelights.com/WhiteChocolateMintTruffle.jpg <– the website the pic is from. Always use caution, I cannot control websites outside of my own.

Well, it’s been yet another busy week. I could cry, I’m late blogging! It’s horrible! Lol, but it’s not all bad. Other than neglecting my readership, I have been up to some more useful things.

Like… HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!!! YIPEE!!!!! No, not really. Homework isn’t all that grand and I think it sucks your life away slowly, now that it’s mentioned… hmm, should prolly check into that…. oh well. Anyway, I have been doing homework because I fell behind over a couple of really weird weekends (curse the Steelers and all their stealing abilities; the Cardinals deserved that trophy!!). Aside from that it’s been work and school, and the voice of my mother constently buzzing in my ear “have you been checking your Wheaton site, have you been checking your Wheaton site..” over and over again like a broken record. But it’s been cool, I love her anyway.

It’s also been funny because my school schedule is in constant fluxtuation. Like Hersh Rodasky, one of my teachers. The poor man has been running around in a tizzy for the last three weeks because of a bunch of stuff with his daughter’s baby being born. Poor thing, both of them. But the baby is finally here and I saw pictures and he’s a doll! Beautiful little thing. Actually, beautiful GINORMOUS thing cause that baby was over ten pounds! Didn’t even look like a new-born, he looked liek a big, healthy baby

So that’s been fun. And I finally got to see what the ‘Master Classes’ were like for my Applied voice and now I feel like I’m gonna pee myself because I am going to sing at the next one. Scary….

But anyway, I’ll wrap up so I don’t start boring you. Man, I just can’t believe it’s my last semester though. I’m really gonna miss Iowa Western, for sure. We just have some great teachers and classes here and I’ve learned so much in two years, it’s crazy! But anyway, I’ll TTYL!! Have a great week!

Sarah

This is what we talked about in Micro today

Website I found it at here:

http://www.gdahvet.com/images/hookworm.jpg

Browse with Caution!!!

Well, having been at Iowa Western for two years now, I can’t help but feel horrible any time I see someone wandering around the Stuart, Ashley and Arts Center parking lot, lost, and looking for their car. So I have decided to blog a few quick do’s and don’ts of parking at IWCC.

1. Whenever you park, take stock of a ‘landmark’ near you. The lightpoles are usually your best bet. This way you’ll at least know the general area that your car is located in.

2. Count the rows back. There are only, I think, nine rows in at least the Stuart area, so knowing your row number is helpful.

3. I would NOT recommend looking at the cars around you are those may change before you get out of classes. However, this can be helpful if you feel it might be.

With these tips, it really should make parking easier So good luck and have fun.