Whatever the worth
Well, my report this week will definitely be shorter than last week’s. Two days off school was sweet, except that it completely threw me off, lol. I had two days off work (aside from Sunday), which weirded me out even more. And now there’s a stinkbug crawling on my window. Greaaaat……. That’s just what I need.
Nah, this week was sweet. Never have I felt more unproductive though. I almost completely forgot about this blog =P that would’ve sucked for me…
Well, my highlights have been the four-day weekend, an AMAZING concert Wednesday, and the fact that I’ve stayed up ‘til two ‘o clock four days in a row now. I know most of you stay up that late or later most of the time, but bear with me; I’m a geek who goes to bed by twelve usually.
Okay, so nothing extremely eventful happened during the weekend except I had a friend over and we pigged out on candy and watched ‘Transformers’. I swear, Transformers is amazing too! Not as amazing as concert, but I’ll get to that. It was sweet though. Never have I been more thankful that we traded our thirteen-inch TV for a 27” lol! And I dunno if I’m the only one, but I love the robot noises (Sarah <3 robots too though). The ending battle scene is chaotic; there’s shining bits of metal flying everywhere so you hardly know who’s who anymore. I swear, the robots look like they are just collected chunks of metal sometimes…
My favorite part is when they transform though cause they like, just kinda fly apart and are like “BWAUGH!!!!!!!!” or whatever noise that is ^^ then there’s a ginormous robot. I wish I could do that…
Okay, now concert was amazing. I don’t care how many of you emo kids think I’m too preppy to be hardcore, YOU ARE WRONG!!!! I prolly suck at being hardcore, I dunno, I haven’t asked, but I certainly like it. It really just feels natural eventually and…. Man it just kinda sweeps you into a zone…. But yeah, I finally understand hardcore dancing ‘^^
But Underoath was amazing! The bands that played with them were sweet, but Underoath was so great I almost passed out afterward (not even kidding). I really killed my neck, and screwed myself over at work, but there is nothing more worth it. There’s nothing like being down on the floor, with music pounding as close to you as a heartbeat, and just letting yourself react along with hundreds around you. I don’t even see why people needed to drink there, the music’s more intoxicating. But yeah, it was so amazingly cool.
Okay, and why have I stayed up until 2 for the last little while? I dunno. It’s not insomnia, I just… I dunno… I think I am just on the computer or watching TV and I lose track of time… lol! At any rate, I’m stopping that cause if I keep it up I’m screwed =P
Now, on a more serious note, there’s some stuff I’ve been thinking about a lot. First of all, in my group of friends, I stand out like nothing else, as my sister so kindly pointed out the night of the concert. And really, the more I think about it, the more I realize I’m never going to fit in unless I give up on my faith, which isn’t happening. I dunno, it’s kind of a weird thing.
To explain, I am a Christian, a confession for which I’ve been spit on before. Ask anyone, I’m not shove-it-in-your-face because that’s retarded. But… I try to be faithful. I can’t say as I always do the best job because I tend to get caught up in my life and screw myself over big time. Eventually I came to a point where I couldn’t believe that I was actually being forgiven for all the crap I was doing and I couldn’t forgive myself. But eventually I found out that no matter what I was always going to be forgiven if I asked for it, even if I had done stuff knowing I shouldn’t have. I did do that too, I was thinking, ‘here I am, trying to be closer to God and if I do this, I’m screwing up. I’m doing it anyway.’ I swear that’s how my thinking went.
But God still forgave me. I’m still in the midst of some… harsh things and I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I was given a realization.
I still stand out. I stand out terribly. Some people hate me for it. Some like me, grow closer to me, because of it. I screw up, I’m a person, but the fact that I stand out means I’m still fighting.
Christians have a bad lot to be sure. If we are really following like we should, it can be extremely lonely. There are times when it feels so hopeless and desperate in life that you want nothing more than the rapture. Your friends are all fake; God, who you always returned to for strength, is distant; and happiness seems impossible.
Most people in the world are absolutely set on proving you wrong. They say that everything you have ever built your life on is worthless, nothing, disproved by the work of men. This is usually when we wish the ‘apocalypse’ would happen and we could all go to a place where there is eternal rest and beauty. Never have I felt a more selfish wish in myself.
If only I could fit the image of Christians. I wish I was a goody-two-shoes with no problems, eternal faith, and a church of people as perfect as me. Life would be extremely boring, but at the same time, glee clubs probably aren’t as bad as the despair and desperation I face every day. If I were that ‘Christian’, I wouldn’t feel such selfish things as wishing the whole world would find it’s condemnation just so I would be out of my momentary misery; I wouldn’t fight with my family and friends; I wouldn’t feel like I’m always losing people I care about; I wouldn’t constantly be falling down and having my creator gently pick me back up, just to turn around and spit in his face.
It’s not as bad as all that though. The only reason life is bearable is because of God, no matter how far away he seems. The only reason I make it day by day is because I have a few people I can confide in who encourage me in my walk with God. And happiness is as close as a beautiful day like today, or an extraordinarily clear night where you can see forever into the heavens.
And people? Standing out? Really, what does it matter? I know everyone says that, ‘it doesn’t matter what other people think’ but for that to mean anything, you have to live it. I could say it every day a hundred times and still act one way in a certain group and another in a different group because I don’t want them to think I’m lame or stupid. ‘Two-faced’ I think that’s called. I’ve been that a lot too.
I guess I need to make my point now. Life is hard for everyone, but as a Christian, I have a hope. No matter what happens or who hates me because of it, I never have to let go of that hope. I’m the greatest idiot in the world, but, somehow, God still loves me. There is no one who lies more than I, no one more two faced, but I’m still forgiven. I’m blessed with people who love me despite my huge number of faults, and, somehow, I am faultless before God.
As a Christian, I’m always going to have opposition. It even says so in the Bible. While most think Christianity is about having a perfect life and being perfect, I’m always going to go through trials and persecution. I’m never going to be completely happy with my life because I’ll always be longing for the ‘better’ I know there is. But I’m okay with that. I can trust that God has a plan. How? I don’t know. Somehow my faulty thoughts have come to grips with this whole concept and decision, though understanding is far beyond my comprehension.
But these have been my thoughts over, truthfully, the last six months. And I know, I know, I didn’t keep my promise that this would be a short blog =P Sorry ^^
But yeah. Now it’s time for my (dun duh dun!)…
B100p3r 0f 7he w33k:
Okay, we actually have two bloopers this week. Both teach us valuable lessons that are applicable in the lives of everyone (after that spiel before I feel like teaching valuable lessons). One lesson is, don’t drink V8 around family members, and the other is don’t hold a carnivorous lizard on your shoulder. Yup, very applicable. Okay, so my first story is about my pee-wee sized little brother, Jake.
We recently acquired a tiny lizard (that should be put on medication because it has the worst case of ADHD ever) and a larger striped desert skink from my cousin Tara. We actually don’t know what the larger lizard is, I just call it a striped desert skink because it’s a striped skink from the desert. Clever huh?
So we have these two lizards now and my little brother can only hold the big one because that lizard doesn’t jump three feet in the air and run faster than a speeding bullet. So he was holding it, he named it Shark Quest (a fav movie of his), and he decided to put ‘Shark Quest’ on his shoulder. Well, when the lizard got too close to his face, he started to pull it off. This didn’t go over very well with the lizard. It moved fast and clamped onto Jake’s nose. And for a second, my little brother had a real live lizard hanging from his nose.
This certainly caused him to squeal and cry, but caused little real damage. Nevertheless, ever since, Jake had been extremely cautious around ‘Shark Quest’ even though he swears he isn’t scared of him.
So that was one, now the V8.
So I like drinking V8. I haven’t seen the commercials before either. So I walked into the kitchen drinking my little V8 and my dad and sister were there. So I stopped to chat for a sec.
A minute or so into the conversation, my dad randomly hits my forehead and said, “coulda had a V8!”. I just kinda stared at him, then continued drinking my V8, wondering why he had done that. Then my little sister (a complete smart-aleck) walks up and pops me in the forehead, then said, “coulda had a V8!”. I was like, “why are you people hitting me on the head? I don’t get it! What’s the joke?!”. I was so confused. I didn’t understand why they had this strange fascination with hitting me. They just laughed at me. A few days later they explained and I decided my family needs a new hobby.
Seen something funny? Want to see it as my blooper of the week? Then send it to me at my email SaraHaldeman@msn.com and see if it makes the cut.
So those are my bloopers. I hope they didn’t bore you. I don’t really have any announcements right now, except that Fall Break is coming up ^^ So I guess I’ll let you go. Visit next week to see my few pics of the concert (yay!).