It’s truly amazing how much power people have over you. And rightfully so. We each have people in our lives, people we respect, peers, and idols who, perhaps, don’t even know us. But, if any of these people speak, we take it to heart.
It’s unfortunate, then, when we start to treat everyone as our peer group. People we respect counts only those who we know, trust, and look up to for whatever reason. Idols are people we don’t know that we respect, usually because they are excellent at something we appreciate. But peers… peers are different. A good example of peers is my creative writing class. Each of those people have more power over me than they think because I am giving a bit of my self up to them for scrutiny and critique, both good and bad. An excellent reaction to one chapter of a certain story I offered propelled me enthusiastically through two more chapters in a single weekend. Truthfully, I did delete one later, but a good review lent me a certain fire I can’t really explain.
Now, this is unfortunate because you can’t take to heart the complements and criticism of every single person you know. It just wouldn’t work. You see, it would kill you eventually. It’s like listening to the media to figure out whether you’re skinny or pretty enough, or listening to a teacher or parent that tells you you’re worthless and will never accomplish anything. You have to temper what you hear with wisdom and reason, both bad things and good things.
Obviously, you do have to care about what people say to a certain extent, otherwise you would turn into a very gross person. Really. Shower. Please. For the sake of all sanity in this world, please don’t become so comfortable with yourself and your opinion of yourself to stop showering…
But, have you ever heard someone complain about someone with a huge ego? That is sometimes what happens when you care too much about what people say and surround yourself with the wrong people. If everyone you know is constantly telling you how wonderful you are and will never stick out their foot to trip you up when you’re heading out to screw yourself over, then you’ve got a problem and probably an ego.
I guess I have a point in this long-winded paragraph of overly explained reasoning. Read the category you fall into (and here’s a hint, we all fall into at least the third).
For people who never feel like they can do anything right:
I’m right there with ya. One word of criticism can crush me in ways the perpetrator may not know. I’m sorry if this comes across as a magazine article, but ya gotta listen. Surround yourself with people you trust. Don’t offer up something you worked very hard on and like to someone you just know, but show it to an enthusiastic teacher who really wants you to succeed and knows you well. Don’t pay attention to the words of a random guy or girl (whether or not what they say is good or bad) but, instead, listen to what your family and close friends tell you. If they say something is good, think about it! You have probably noticed that about yourself before. If you receive negative criticism, consider it, but don’t acknowledge it until you have decided on whether or not it’s true. And be honest with yourself too! Believe me, no one is ever just a screw-up; you have talents too, even if yours, like mine, is tripping over your own feet to cheer up someone else’s day.
For people who feel they do everything right:
You are either overcompensating for insecurities, in which you are highly obnoxious and ought to be reading the above clip. That, or you truly believe you do everything right. Well, you don’t. And you could probably use a swift kick to get your head out of your butt. You think everyone around you likes you? Think again. Most are just nice enough to smile and tolerate both you and your crushing ego. Maybe that’s one reason why you feel alone when you think about it. If you are a dude, you probably don’t respect your girlfriends at all, and you should. Otherwise, you’re gonna be living as a ‘jerk’ for the rest of your life and you, I guarantee, will be miserable. If you’re a girl, you are catty and self-centered, and probably flirt with other chick’s boyfriends. First of all, you’re gonna get beat up someday by a tiny girl with a hot temper and then all those nose-jobs and all the blond hair dye in the world won’t fix your face. But more than that, you probably think so highly of yourself that you have no self-respect anymore. You’re going to end up with a hot guy who treats you like the scum of the earth. He won’t care for you or respect you at all and you are going to end up lonely, scared, and empty, which I don’t want. Think about it.
To all who find themselves as a ‘peer’:
First of all, someone is counting on you for critique of something that is very important to them. In fact, there is this fantastic girl in my writing class who seems to think she writes badly. I read her story and I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever read. Her style is incomplete, sketchy, and her grammar and punctuation need brushing up. But I’ll tell ya now, you could be Poe or J.K. Rowling, and you would never write with as much spirit as this fantastic young woman. In the end, it’s the spirit of the art that matters more than the fine points, because, in the end, it’s all for you, and we, as peers, have no right to take that dream from people. Besides, her writing reminds me very clearly of mine but three years ago and, when I started six years ago, I was much worse.
Now a side note, and this I am ashamed to admit. If someone is doing better than I am, because of my own insecurities, I tend to put their work down or ignore it. Please, don’t do that. If I sound a dreadful person because I’ll admit this, ok, I’m fine with that. But we all do it. Instead of helping others to climb with us and even eclipsed our efforts at something, we try to push them down, and often succeed at it.
At any rate, we as peers have a unique responsibility to respect and nurture those around us who value us enough to ask our precious opinions. And maybe, just maybe, we can swallow our pride, insecurities, anger, formality, and aggressively competitive natures to meet another person where they are and encourage them. In the end, it’s better that way.
), and I have a very important and strenuous college application due soon…
